How Long Does Grief Last?

As you move through the grieving process after losing your spouse, you naturally wonder How Long?
 

• how long will this pain last,
• how long will I be sad,
• how long will I cry,
• how long will it be until I can sleep again.

 
There are just so many “how longs.” And while you may want to hear, 8 to 12 weeks, or maybe one year, the truth is...there is no set timeframe. Each one of us has a different timeframe, and why is that? Well, here are some reasons:
 

1. Time spent grieving: How much time have you actually spent grieving?  I mean doing the grief work and working through your grief vs. going around in circles trying to avoid your grief.
2. Circumstances of your spouse’s death:  This also impacts the answer to “how long.” I talked about sudden vs. long-term illnesses in a prior blog, but what about suicide or another type of violence? These situations add complexity to your grief and you will grieve longer (and you probably need professional help to deal with suicide).
3. Other deaths: Another reason the answer to HOW LONG varies, is whether you experienced any other deaths in the past year. Multiple deaths add complexity to how long you grieve. One widower I met lost his mother and three months later, his wife died unexpectedly. He wasn’t even finished grieving his mom.
4. Relationship you had with your spouse: The type of relationship you had with your spouse also impacts how long you grieve. Was it a loving, caring relationship, where your whole world centered around him or her, or were you drifting apart?
5. Religious beliefs: Another impact to “how long,” stems from your religious beliefs. Do you find comfort in your faith, or have you walked away from your faith, or maybe you never believed. God always listens, so you can start talking to Him anytime.
6. Anticipatory grief: This type of grief occurs before the actual loss. If your spouse suffered from a long-term illness, you may have already done some grieving – perhaps the loss of your ability to travel or go out to dinner. If you experienced anticipatory grief, you may find the time you spend grieving after the actual death shorter.​

So, as you can see, answering how long is not an easy thing to do. Just know that whatever time is right for you is right for you.
 
Loss is forever; grief is not. You will cope, you will survive, and you will find happiness again.

​#grief #griefjourney #griefandloss #griefsupport 
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